While walking back home through that narrow lane after dusk, taking public transport in broad daylight, in your boss’ cabin discussing work, at home with your Mathematics tutor who’s explaining an important chapter, a close relative taking you aside to treat you with chocolates — sexual harassment has never been limited to a place, age, or gender.
However, not all victims report it owing to embarrassment, fear of consequences and simply because of the way we are conditioned.
Why are we silent? Following Hollywood actor Alyssa Milano’s accusations of sexual harassment against movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, social media is flooded with #MeToo, in a bid to show the magnitude of the problem and to begin a discussion around this often hushed-up topic. The High Spirits controversy added fuel to the fire and more women are now voicing their horrors.
BY FAMILY, FRIENDS, STRANGERS
He placed his hands on my thighs. I felt a current in my body. I was six, he was probably 21-22 — my first cousin. It was the first time that I realised not every touch makes you feel safe — some make you extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t know then why it had disturbed me. I didn’t understand why I never wanted to meet him again. It pains me to say that many of my older cousins have touched me inappropriately at some point. I stopped playing with them one by one. Some strict rules of conduct were laid out before me and my sister when meeting stranger boys and men. We were asked to report immediately if a stranger tried to come close. Sadly, we didn’t know what to do when our relatives violated us. There was a certain guilt and shame attached to it.
At 13, one of my uncles (father’s brother) molested me. It left me traumatised and disgusted. Though not immediately, I did find courage and shared it with my elder sister and parents. He was asked not to visit our place. A few years ago, a man molested me in public. With the help of other people, I could take him to the police and file a police complaint despite the police suggesting otherwise. In due course, the case was presented in court and the guy was punished. I was harassed before the above-mentioned incident and after that. I don’t always raise an alarm. I am too numb to even react. Do I really have strength, time, resources and will to fight every single case of harassment in the court?
— Vidula Sonagra
Research Associate at Equal Community Foundation, Pune
YOUNG AND NAIVE
I was 18 and new in a big city like Kolkata when, in a crowded bus, a guy standing behind me was constantly rubbing his manhood against me and I was so naive and scared that I was giving him the benefit of doubt. However, before getting off, the guy whispered ‘Thank you!’ in my ears. I froze, feeling dirty, disgusted and defeated. Many of us are silent sufferers and are afraid to talk about it — at work places and homes, they go through this for a long time and the saddest thing is that even sharing it with family is a big deal.
— Kamalika Ghosh
IT professional, Cognizant, Kolkata
TEACH KIDS TO RAISE AN ALARM
When I was in Class IV, I was harassed by a staff working at our shop. I was too young to realise what it was but it was something unpleasant and I never liked that man. Those two minutes of harassment were so disturbing that its memory makes me uncomfortable everyday. We all have been subjected to abuse and harassment many times. The problem is that as a girl, people teach us not to speak out. Just stay quiet and move out of that place, we are told. But we should educate kids from a young age regarding raising an alarm and the reason I am saying kids is because even boys need to be aware of what sexual harrasment is and they need to raise an alarm in such situations.
— Anupa Sahu,
Blogger and Odissi dancer, Bengaluru
THAT HAUNTING SMILE
As a woman I have often faced such nuisance in a bus or train and it still fills me with disgust. When I was in Class VI, I was travelling to Dumdum cantonment from Sealdah railway station to meet my aunt. The train was overcrowded, and this guy tried to take advantage of it. He tried to touch my private parts. I hated that feeling. I can remember the disturbing smile on his face. When he alighted the train at Dumdum, he looked at me and was smiling shamelessly. I couldn’t protest nor could I share this with my parents at that point of time because I was very young and was afraid and ashamed, but today I can protest and I do protest.
— Arijita Biswas Roy
Learning and development professional, Bengaluru
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF
My experiences are like any single small town girl. Guys passing by and spanking my buttocks, touching my chest — sadly we grew up in a society thinking all this was normal and never spoke about it. I don’t know whether to say that I am lucky to have never experienced a serious incident of molestation or is it sad that I am normalising these grave incidents because they were so common? I was seven or eight when an uncle felt me up, later my first trainer at work tried to get uncomfortably close, touching me around my neck and my thighs — I’ve faced this at all stages. I was new to Bengaluru and hence scared of speaking up. One day I was wearing three-fourth pants to work when a manager commented very loudly in Kannada, and I could grasp the word chaddi. I had had enough. I immediately went to the authorities and reported the issue, but no action was taken — neither the managers nor the HR did anything. The senior manager, who happened to be a lady, asked me to chill and not take such comments to heart. I realised that I needed to speak up every time it happened to me or to anyone around me.
— Annyesha Chatterjee
Zumba and fitness instructor, Bengaluru
THE FEAR IS REAL
I was travelling with my family when a middle-aged man constantly kept touching me from behind. I was so terrified, I could not utter a word about it to my parents and silently tolerated it. The ‘unwanted touching’ created a wreck in me and even dismantled my self-confidence. And it isn’t always a stranger doing this, there are innumerable cases when a family member indulges in it. I distinctly remember that a friend’s uncle had sexually molested her. She came to me and I suggested we speak to her mom. Her mother’s reaction still haunts me. “You are imagining things. He is merely trying to be ‘friendly’ with you,” the mother said. “Please don’t involve ‘others’ in family matters,” she said, looking at me.
An auto driver tried to touch my boobs under the pretext of turning the meter on. Bus journeys were always a nightmare and the touching made me disgruntled. Every time I walked back home in a dark lane, my heart raced.
I gradually started speaking up. Once on a flight with my husband, a man kept on touching me from the window seat cavity. I stood up after 10 minutes and looked behind. I asked him why he was touching me. He hadn’t expected this and was completely taken aback. He apologised. But there is always a fear — what if the guy finds me and avenges this insult? The fear is real. We may take a stand but that fear never leaves us.
— Pradnya Vernekar
Life coach, Massachusetts
