Best of both worlds

Best of both worlds

Wife: I need to fly to Malaysia for an urgent meeting tomorrow. I may need to spend a week there for a project, if all goes well. This is a very important client and I can’t afford to let go of this opportunity.

Husband: But my parents are coming over tomorrow and you had promised to be here. I can’t manage both Sania (three-year-old daughter) and Rocky (the dog) alone. You should think twice before taking up such projects. Marriages don’t work like this. 

Wife: But it is important for me and it’ll give my career a whole new dimension.  

Husband: It also means that you will travel more and spend more time at work. You won’t have time for us.” 

Every career-oriented person who is in a relationship, or married, will identify with the above conversation. Apart from all other issues that millennials face in this fast-paced, internet-addicted world, striving to strike a balance between career and love is adding to their woes. If you were to ask couples, say, about two-three decades ago, to choose between career and relationship, most would choose the latter. But for today’s independent, smart and career-oriented millennials, the answer  wouldn’t be so easy. They want successful relationships, but also want to soar high, climb the corporate ladder, be the best at whatever they do and stay ahead in the game.  

A perfect relationship where both love and career are balanced is hardly ever the reality and no matter how much you pretend to be the ideal couple, the truth is that we’re all struggling to balance our personal and professional lives. 

But why has balancing career and relationships become all the more challenging in the present time? Rajaseker Raju, general manager, marketing, Bharat Matrimony, says unlike a few decades ago, now both partners are pursuing career and life goals to have a meaningful life. “Aspirations and career goals of men and women have changed significantly. Moreover, today’s generation wants to pursue their passion for travelling, dancing or art and need space for themselves. Sometimes lack of support of the joint family means additional pressure on their time. This makes career-relationship balance a tightrope walk,” says Raju. But if you really want the best of both worlds, both partners in a relationship need to work in harmony. 

“Couples must make each other the centre of their happiness. Both need to collaborate on their career priorities. Men have to share household chores. But ultimately, it’s love, understanding, improved listening and communication that can help enrich their lives and balance aspirations and relationships,” adds Raju. 

In the last couple of years, the number of separations and divorces has risen, not just because of incompatibility of temperament but also because of their career aspirations. He points out high expectations, changing gender roles, financial freedom and greater independence of women are some of the reasons why couples are finding it difficult to balance love and career.   

But Kamalika Ghosh, Bengaluru-based IT professional and dancer, knows how to balance both. Ghosh and her husband, who lives in Dubai, are dedicated to their professions and are living away from each other and yet there’s no dearth of love between them. “My husband and I have well-defined career aspirations which compel us to stay in different countries and away from each other for months on an end. However, that does not stop us from  being madly in love with each other,” says Ghosh, adding, “There are times when we are irritated and impatient with each other and then suddenly we completely compensate by being super positive and overly understanding of each other. We have dreams to achieve which will haunt us if we leave it midway, but we also know true love is rare to find and it will just be stupid to let it go.”

While there are couples who choose to stay far from each other for career, there are also a few who give up bigger aspirations for love. Thirty-two year old Reema Singh, an IT professional from Delhi, who recently declined  a job offer in London because her husband has set up his business in the city, doesn’t regret her decision of letting go of this big opportunity. “I had to let go of many opportunities that would have given me a good growth in career, but I can’t have everything. Just like mine, his career is important too. As couples you don’t compete but complement each other and that’s what we are trying to do. His business is new and he needs me by his side and although he wouldn’t mind me taking up the job in London for a brief period, I don’t think it would be right on my part to leave him here. Haven’t we fought the world to be together?” says Singh.  

Vishal Aggarwal, 34-year-old restaurant owner from Kolkata, says it is actually his girlfriend Priyanka, an HR professional, who understands him the most and makes it easier for him to strike the right balance between work and life because they are equally focussed on their careers, and yet manage to find time for each other. 

“Although both our families are after our lives to get married, Priyanka understands that right now we need to focus on our careers while making the most of whatever time we get for each other. I’m always busy with my restaurant and weekends are  hectic too, but she gets off only on Saturdays and Sundays. So she offers to help me out at my restaurant during the weekend and we spend time with each other. We are not just lovers but partners who value each others’ passion and support each other,” says Aggarwal.

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