I stay in a huge society. Three months ago, we got a new neighbour — a young girl who, she later told us, is from Nashik and is doing a course in Pune. Occasionally, her parents come and stay with her but mostly there are youngsters coming in and going out of the apartment at odd hours. Once I had to open the door at 2 am because my dog started barking with the sound of someone at the door. I get to see liquor bottles and smoked cigarettes in her trash when I go to the trash collector with my trash every morning. There is a boy who lives with her when her parents are not at home. I have nothing to comment on her lifestyle but she has been constantly telling my teenage daughter to come and spend time with her and that worries me. While my daughter is not particularly interested in hanging out with her at this stage, I am concerned if at some later stage she does, and starts getting influenced by the ‘neighbour’s’ lifestyle. What should I do?
There are certain phrases that are used by mothers across the world — the most popular one being, “your friends are a bad influence on you.” It doesn’t matter what your child is doing, but it’s never, ever their fault. It’s always some bloke luring them into things they don’t want to do or don’t understand. I mean, how can your innocent little teenage baby even comprehend the difference between right and wrong?
But getting to the advice part here about what you should do, I suggest the three Rs. The first R is ‘Remember’. Remember your neighbour is not your child, however maternal you might be or feel. You are not responsible for her and how she lives her life. And more importantly, remember the time when you were young and all the things you did that you hid from your parents? Everyone goes through a phrase like this in their life, and if you haven’t sweetie, I’m just going to stop you here and tell you to go do something right now that your parents would not approve of. You need stories like this, otherwise that flash you have of your whole life in front of your eyes when you’re about to die will be unbearably boring. The second R represents ‘Respect’. Respect your neighbour’s boundaries, don’t talk trash about her, literally in this case. As your daughter approaches adulthood, she’s going to have to deal with all kinds of people on her own, you’re not always going to be around to protect her from bad company. And if you say that she’s not interested in this edgy neighbour, then stop fretting. According to studies, the more you tell your kids not to do something, the more they will go ahead and defy you. This kind of family dynamics has remained constant since Adam and Eve had their first child.
This brings us to our last R, which stands for Relax. Yes, just back off. This neighbour’s habits won’t automatically travel through the walls of your building and fill into your daughter. The attributes of your daughter reflect your parenting, and if you believe you’ve done a good enough job, then why worry? Relax.
