Two much togetherness

Anjali Jhangiani
Sunday, 7 April 2019

Is sharing a social media account, or perhaps scrolling through your partner’s, a good idea? While celebrities might be able to pull it off, ordinary people like us will most probably end up in the soup

Prince Harry and Meghan Markel who are expecting their first child, launched their joint Instagram account last week.  While the The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, might be able to pull off this digital stunt with the help of a team of skilled social media managers, who will keep their followers up to date on the lives the royals, ordinary people like you and me might find handling a joint social media account a little tough to do.
 
Saying ‘little’ tough is just an understatement here. We meant to say it is a very, very risky thing to do. Sharing social media accounts, unless it is for official purposes like promoting a blog that the both of you run, can be the cause for a lot of trouble. It compromises your privacy, and no matter how much you say that there’s nothing to hide from your partner, sharing a social media account in this day and age is like sharing your toothbrush.
 
Your friends, colleagues and acquaintances are different from your partner’s, the two of you live separate lives and have different likes and dislikes, no matter how compatible you claim to be. Even if you were clones of each other, you should still have separate social media accounts. 

Videographer Shubham De, who ran an Instagram account and Facebook page along with his now ex-girlfriend, says, “Couples who think they can share everything with each other and run a social media account together are correct, but only for the first few weeks or for some, it might even be months before they realise that they are in quicksand. When we started our account, we told all our friends and acquaintances to follow us on these portals. My ex girlfriend was a model and we used to work on many projects that would take us to beautiful locations. We took time out from our schedules and posted the pictures we took on our joint account. Long story short, my ex would get so many messages from boys who would try and flirt with her, and this made me mad. It made me even more upset when she would reply to them. She got it in her head that she’s an Instagram star, and I couldn’t handle it.”

De feels that if she ran the account all by herself, and he didn’t have access to reading the messages, their relationship would not have taken such a messy turn. Even if he ran the account by himself, he would have ignored the messages. Either way, each one would have dealt with the problem in their own way. It was because both of them believed they could handle the situation better than the other, that there was an ugly breakup. 

Shalini Vasu, a 35-year-old management professional, believes that all this “extra closeness” comes from a very insecure place. “I know friends who started a joint Facebook account after they got married. It’s so annoying because you don’t know who you’re talking to if you message them. You don’t know who is posting the posts. I don’t understand why you have to impose your personality on your partner, why you must melt and fuse into one entity on digital platforms to prove your love for each other? Who says that you must sacrifice your individuality when you get into a relationship, is that what commitment is about?” she questions, adding, “Can you believe that the couple I’m talking about actually argue with each other about what posts they should just ‘like’ and which ones they should ‘love’,”

Two people running one account is nothing short of a scam.

Scrolling through your partner’s account
What about couples that hijack each other’s account because, why not? “My wife knows my password to unlock my phone. I’m an early sleeper, because I have to get up early for work. I hardly spend time on Facebook or Instagram. But my wife sometimes puts her phone on charge and plays with my phone. She will go to my Facebook and Instagram and like posts, accept requests and what not. Last year, she started playing Farm Ville from my Facebook account with my friends, and I kept getting so many notifications of people sending me digital cows and corn and what not. It was too much for me to explain to people that I’m not the one playing these stupid games, so I just let them think it was me. My wife grew out of the game, but now it’s 2019 and I’m still harvesting my digital farm,” says Rahul Gawli, 34-year-old IT professional. 

Ruchi D’souza, a 25-year-old content writer, warns against letting your partner fiddle with your social media accounts. “I let my fiancée, who is 30 now, scroll through my Snapchat because he refuses to install the app and open an account of his own. He went and followed so many accounts that I have no interest in. My feed is totally messed up now because it is flooded with content from celebrities that I have no interest in, like some Victoria’s Secret angels, models and so on,” she says, adding, “When you like a page or a post or react to anything on social media, your actions are taken into account and after these portals work their magic with their algorithms, you get to see content based on it. Ofcourse you have the option to undo the damage, but then who has the time for all that? Why not just keep your accounts private and ask them not to mess with it?” 

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