My brother is shattered after his break up

Bobby Das
Saturday, 15 July 2017

I am an IT professional working in Pune. I live with my parents. I have an elder brother (29), who is working in Hyderabad. Last year, he wanted to bring the girl he is dating home and introduce her to our mother, who is very protective about her sons. I told him it was a bad idea to bring her home and live in the same house for a week, instead he should just introduce them with a brief meeting first. He agreed after a few days, but never introduced anyone to my mother. I too did not follow up with him as he does not like me interfering in his life.

I am an IT professional working in Pune. I live with my parents. I have an elder brother (29), who is working in Hyderabad. Last year, he wanted to bring the girl he is dating home and introduce her to our mother, who is very protective about her sons. I told him it was a bad idea to bring her home and live in the same house for a week, instead he should just introduce them with a brief meeting first. He agreed after a few days, but never introduced anyone to my mother. I too did not follow up with him as he does not like me interfering in his life. A few days ago, I found out from his friends that he is in severe depression. Apparently he broke up with that girl a while ago and she is getting married next month. I called him and spoke but he acted normal. So I have not really probed further on the issue. His friends are telling me that he has taken to heavy drinking and is in a bad state. His career is also getting affected and he might even get sacked. I don’t want to tell my parents because they will freak out, and my father already has a heart condition. What should I do?

Okay…so one more case of the broken heart. The way we react to different situations in our life depends on our emotional and mental make-up. For some, a break up is just another element in this long journey of life, and for others, it is a life shattering moment.

Since you are not particularly close to him and it has been a year since the issue of the introduction trip happened, you are not really privy to the circumstances of the break up. It is true that as a sister you would like to help him come out of the mess that he has got into. More important is the fact that your father is not supposed to take any undue stress that would endanger his health.

In such a situation, the best antidote is to get immersed in your career but I understand that even that area of his life is in jeopardy, as a result of the break up. Next time that you speak to him, invite him back home for a while with the excuse that your parents are missing him and such other emotional blackmail tactics! You could go over to Hyderabad, but in my view a change of location and scenery works wonders in such cases. Plus he will be ensconced in the warmth of the unconditional love and affection of his family.

The worse thing in such a situation, for a person of his emotional nature, is to be all alone in an alien city. Loneliness will engulf him, the rejection would have already scarred him. And the impending job loss will shatter him completely.

You might even want to go to Hyderabad to be with him and assess the situation first hand. Then you will be in a better position to take the necessary steps leading to his emotional rehabilitation.

(The writer Bobby Das is an image consultant and corporate trainer. If you have queries for him, send them to features@sakaaltimes.com)

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