I have had a few trysts with ‘love’ which did not really go the way I wanted it to. Now, at 30, I did not want to waste time in experimenting anymore and decided to go in for an arranged match. And got engaged. My fiancé is a copywriter at an advertising firm. He seems to be a nice person, very well mannered and easygoing. I am fairly comfortable with him. But I’m not sure whether I want this relationship to work because he is my parents’ choice or I genuinely like him.
I developed a slight doubt about him the other day. We were supposed to meet up one evening and I had reached our meeting point, which is close to his office, a little early. I told him that I could go up to meet him at his office and wait in his cabin till his work is over. I had thought it was a good chance to see his workplace and get introduced to his colleagues.
He didn’t think so and was rude to me about the idea. So I waited, and we met sometime later, but despite his efforts, I was not comfortable. Our relationship has been a slightly strained since then. I want to know why he behaved like that — did he not want me to meet someone in his office? Does he work there at all? Has he been relieved of his position and wants to hide it from me? Please advise.
Just to get things in perspective, since you are not really ecstatic about him as a partner and are operating with the added baggage of failed relationships that intrude in your present state of life, I hope it is not a case of last minute pre-marriage jitters.
This incident has set you back emotionally by sowing seeds of suspicion in your mind regarding his inconsistent behaviour, I strongly suggest that you take steps to ensure that you make all efforts to clear your apprehensions.
One can always do a background check. If you deem fit, contact a detective agency, or discreetly check through your contacts. However, I feel that the best way forward is to confront him directly on the issue. Share your concerns with him, and thrash things out. This will set the communication channels in motion. He needs to understand the extent of your feelings regarding that incident. But do listen to his side of the story with an open and positive frame of mind.
I assume you have met his parents and am sure your parents have done the necessary scrutiny of educational certificates and appointment letters of the various organisations he has been employed with. And you have furnished your details too. In an arranged marriage, the formalities have to be adhered to, so that there are no nasty revelations later on.
(The writer is an image consultant and corporate trainer.
If you have queries for him, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org)