8 internet slangs for every desi parent

Sudhanshu Ramteke
Friday, 25 January 2019

Your mother and I are going for a walk. BRB, YOLO”, my Dad texted.
My Dad recently discovered the world of internet slangs and YOLO (You Only Live Once) is his favourite go to word. He finds a way to fit the expression anywhere, irrespective of the nature of the conversation.

Your mother and I are going for a walk. BRB, YOLO”, my Dad texted.
My Dad recently discovered the world of internet slangs and YOLO (You Only Live Once) is his favourite go to word. He finds a way to fit the expression anywhere, irrespective of the nature of the conversation.

Mom: Have you replaced the toilet seat?
Dad: With the best brand, YOLO.

Mom: Was it expensive?
Dad: YOLO.

Mom: This is getting really irritating.
Dad: Stay updated, YOLO.

Mom: Really? Then SOTST.
Dad: SOTST?

Mom: Sleep On The Sofa Tonight.

While Dad behaves like Dad sometimes, I’m glad that he is onboard the internet slang-wagon already. It’s 2019 and I believe that all desi parents should familiarise themselves with the millennial lingo to up their game in every argument. Here is some must-haves weaponry in the armoury: 

1. Netflix and Chill: As naïve as it sounds, this slang does not mean eating popcorn while watching TV. If your kid comes and asks for your permission to Netflix and chill with a friend, then in all likelihood, it will be breaking bed instead of Breaking Bad, naked games instead of Sacred Games, game of moans instead of Game of Thrones. Whatever, you get the idea.

2. Adulting: Anything that involves responsibilities is categorised under adulting. Anytime during your arguments, if your kids claim that they’re adults now and should be treated accordingly, assign all household tasks from paying bills to buying ration to cooking meals to them. If they complain, just tell them “adulting sucks” and transfer the mortgage to their names.

3. Lit: This slang also has a different meaning, therefore please do not use it in statements like “Why is the bathroom always lit, who is going to pay the electricity bill?” Lit means exciting and you can trick your children into going to any family function by saying ‘it’s going to be lit’. 

4. POIDH: ‘Pics Or It Didn’t Happen’ is going to be your new lie detector. Tell those pretty little liars that you want visual proof of things that they claim or you’re never going to believe it. “Dog ate your assignment? Well, if that was the case, then you would’ve flooded snapchat with its stories Kritika. Now stop making those twerking videos and start your assignment.”  

5. The struggle is real: Again, the meaning here is exactly opposite. If you ever feel that your privileged kids are nagging about the luxuries that you have provided, hit them with this slang. “Must be so difficult to use a cracked iPhone, the struggle is real”. Once your sarcasm has done its part, it’s time to be the classic desi parent — unleash stories about your childhood and all the struggles you’ve faced while growing up on those unsuspecting innocents. 

6. BAE: Before Anyone Else. Asking your kids if they have someone in their life is so ’90s, that’s like pushing your kids two decades away. If you want them to share their personal life, ask them about their BAE and they’ll be spilling tea (telling secrets). This will also help in strengthening your relationship with them and repair damage caused by your traditional enquiry methods namely, ‘Kya naam hai uss daayan ka?’

7. Good Shit: This can be slightly confusing because you may wonder that if it is good, how is it shit and if it is shit, then how is it good? However, in modern lingo, good shit translates to something or someone likeable. So next time your kid calls you shit, ask them if they meant good shit before beating the shit out of them. 

8. K: Ok became K and thus the most disrespectful one letter word came into existence. It’s not always that you can express your frustration and annoyance as a parent during these modern times and that’s when ‘K’ comes to the rescue. Nothing says scr*w you better than a ‘K’ reply to your kids for any of their life choices:

“Dad, can I become an artist?”
“K”

“Don’t be upset, I’ll take up engineering”.
Congratulations, you are now equipped to have slang-worthy argument with your kids. But remember, they know the rules too.

“Are you coming to your uncle’s funeral? It’s going to be Lit AF”, my Dad texted. 
“K”, I replied.

(Sudhanshu Ramteke is a stand-up comedian)

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