I am a 29-year-old divorcee. My marriage failed due to compatibility issues. I also could not adjust to his joint family situation as I have been brought up in a nuclear family with a lot of freedom. Luckily, we didn’t have any children. Now that a few years have gone by, I am thinking of starting anew. I have started socialising a bit more now but whenever I meet a new guy who tries to get friendly, I have loads of questions going on in my mind like, ‘What if he is also like my ex husband?’ ‘What if he ruins my life like my ex husband?’. I can’t afford to have another breakup. I have also lost faith in the concept of family. I am quite depressed and confused by it all. What’s the solution?
Now there is no need to think that the world has come to an end with the breakup of your marriage. In today’s intolerant world where one always expects to get more than one gives, relationships are a major casualty. And of course, thence begins the blame game, something which you seem to be doing a lot of in the aftermath of the separation. And I am quite sure that he is doing the same, with his buddies. Perhaps you might like to do some introspection and see where you have gone wrong, either in making a choice of partner or his family situation. You knew that it was not a nuclear family from the beginning but once you have taken a decision to go ahead, you should have ensured that you adjusted into their family as you were the one coming in. And of course your hubby should have supported your efforts to settle in. Since you have not elaborated much on your husband’s nature, I am not sure of the depth of the questions swirling in your mind. What way has he ruined your life? Taali do hath se bajti hain, na?
Moping around like a weakling and expecting the world to take care of your emotions is a defeatist attitude. You are still young and you have taken the decision to get back into the social whirl. And hello, if a guy has shown an interest in you, doesn’t mean that he wants to marry on the second date. You might consider not entertaining thoughts of marriage so soon after the first debacle. Take it easy, meet people, enjoy their company and other emotions that they might have to offer. Just chill, get a job if you already don’t have one, get going to the mountains for a while, get a makeover. In other words, get a life!
(The writer is an image consultant and corporate trainer. If you have queries for him, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org)